


Before i fall asleep

by my_alluring_melody



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Late Night Writing, Maybe some of you feel #same, anonymous, depics depressing thoughts, its whatever lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 11:33:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14135238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_alluring_melody/pseuds/my_alluring_melody
Summary: It’s before i fall asleep that i realize no one loves me.





	Before i fall asleep

**Author's Note:**

> No i do not need help lol. This is merely some late night thoughts wrote into words and though it’s a rut I’m stuck in I’m content with my life but i figured maybe someone feels the same, maybe someone will feel better knowing theyre not alone, maybe it’ll make me feel better to put my words out there then running them through my head endless amount of times, so this is what that is.

It’s around the time i tune out the tv. Just about the time my phone screen goes black of the lack of usuage. Too tired to concentrate on flitting through apps, it’s around the time i think i should fall asleep. Its about that time when i realize I’m completely alone. It only takes a second before i get that same sinking feeling i get almost every night. Like my heart is in my stomach or that it’s not there at all. That that sinking feeling is just the emptiness. It’s around that time that i realize no one has told me good night despite the endless contacts and Facebook friends. No one has wished me sweet dreams despite knowing my constant fate of dealing with nightmares. It’s then that i realize how big my bed feels with only me in it That the warmth is only from the many piled up comforters and blankets there to replace the human warmth that should be there instead. It’s then that i realized no one has messaged me through out the day to check up on me. No one has attempted to make plans. It’s then that i realize i pay monthly for i device used to talk to people to instead use it for Pinterest and reading stories. As if a library card wouldn’t be cheaper and make me feel less lonely. What the point of having a phone if no one talks to you on it. What’s the point of having friends if they’re only there when they need something from you. What’s the point of loving people when people don’t love you back. I’m not hurting. I just don’t understand why i feel... nothing. What did i do to deserve getting thrown to the side was i not a valuable enough person to keep. Can you not find anything interesting in me at all to want to speak with me more often. How do people have friends who are just there always you talk and you hang out and you love that person. But i know the real reason I’m alone. I don’t want friendship alone. I want someone to love me. But i won’t say that out loud because how selfish does that sound. How needy and pathetic and whiney does it sound that i just want someone to love me to hold me in bed and kiss me goodnight. How desperate does it sound that before i go to bed i want to be sure that I’ll wake up to someone by my side... pretty desperate i know ha. But regardless I’ll fight through nightmare after nightmare. Regardless I’ll sleep without someone hoping it is good. Regardless I’ll wake up in the morning even knowing there will be no one by my side. Yes, it’s about the time i fall asleep that i realize ize these things, it’s before i close my eyes that find these thoughts, it’s before i fall asleep that i realize no one loves me. It’s around that time now that i should probably fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> So even though it won’t make much a difference, if no one has told you goodnight, goodnight. If no one has hope you sleep well, i do. If no wishes you a peaceful night through nightmares, i hope you kick the but of whatever rears it’s ugly face in your dreams. And if you some how find there’s no solace in sleeping alone. Just know your not the only one up at night pondering over useless thoughts that’ll only drive you deeper and deeper to insanity, so if you have to think these thoughts at least i won’t be the only crazy one out there.


End file.
